I experienced menopause aged 51 – by which I mean I was fifty-one years old when twelve months passed without me having a menstrual period. Every woman has a different story to tell about menopause and the decade leading up to it: this is mine and I put it here to offer a few things that other women might find helpful.
Preparation.
Aged 46 I got educated about menopause and started to track consistently my body temperature, cycle symptoms and periods, so I knew what my body was up to.
Not assuming every symptom is perimenopause.
Exhaustion turned out to be low iron. Heavy periods turned out to be adenomyosis (but I’m not convinced the sonographer knew her stuff). Bowel changes led to a colonoscopy, a diagnosis of microscopic colitis and steroids. In hindsight I think that WAS a menopause symptom, but it could have been bowel cancer; and so I never regret the check, even when I remember the sadness of a 24-hour fast before the camera went up my bum.
Accept the loss of wriggle room.
Ducks must be aligned. Accepting this requires a big mental change. Lack of sleep and booze were my two biggest drains, so I dumped them. Now, if I’m not in bed by 8.15pm, I can’t do the things I want to do the next day, and a late night leaves me scunnered for days. Same with booze.
Vaginal estrogen, because a happy vagina is very important.
I did not try HRT (apart from the vag).
I have no objection to it, other than to being permanently medicated unless entirely necessary. I wondered from time to time if HRT would help.
Buying a few things: creatine (cures my brain fog), oily fish (tinned sardines and mackerel, at least weekly), taurine supplement (helped with rage), protein powder, a good meditation app used twice a day.
Having a great physiotherapist: She looked after the peripatetic aches and pains of my musculo-skeletal syndrome of menopause. A good physio (or osteo or sports therapist or anyone else who knows bodies and will touch you) will listen, advise, have great hands-on skills, nod stoically and remind you that This Too Shall Pass.
Letting go of what didn’t work.
For me this included cardio, housework, my exhausting massage work, and setting myself on fire to keep other people warm.
Spending time alone. Maybe this one is not for everyone, but I need time to reflect. Solitude helped me conclude that what I was going through was normal (especially the murderous feelings towards loved ones).
Being self-employed gave me flexibility to jettison the work that no longer brought joy, surround myself with women, and spend my days talking freely about biology, life and rage. I realise that this is an enormous privilege.
Finding a way of exercising that isn’t exhausting. For me it’s now an upper-lower body split with three sets of 5 exercises per session (fewer sets, heavier reps), and long walks with audiobooks.
Doing the emotional work. I celebrated my age. I got a CRONE t-shirt for my last birthday. I thought about life in terms of maiden, mother and crone. I created, I wrote. I accepted my reduced capacity to tolerate bullshit, and then I celebrated having no fucks left to give.
I wouldn’t be without: tea, coffee, frozen water bottles at my bedside every night, wearing layers, randomly mentioning ‘menopause’ and finding other women desperate to talk about it.
The number one thing that kept me sane, out of all these things, was the sleep. When I stopped cutting corners and pretending that 6.5 hours was enough, everything changed. Cosy bed, eye mask, early nights, no screens, good book and regular hours seven days a week.
